Aftermath
by Hollabackgurl029
Summary: Misato is struggling in the wake of Kaji's death. Can Shinji comfort her now or will he retreat from tough feelings under the guise of "only being a child." onexshot


"God.. Damn it." Misato had barely slept, a very strange and uncharacteristic thing to happen to her. With Kaji gone, it was slowly becoming common place. "Kaji..." Her room was a cave. A safe haven for her to retreat and put off coming to terms with her lover's death. "Forgive me... Shinji-kun, Asuka..." She mumbled to herself as she whipped the heavy comforter off of her.

She stumbled to her shower, weak and unsteady on her feet. Her lack of appetite, emotional distress, and stressful job were ravaging her body with ease._ 'I can't keep like this... But there's no end in sight.'_ The benevolence of her job and duty was fading. She knew Kaji's demise was likely internal, and that she had to seek the truth. Still, the task was beyond daunting. She pressed her back to the wall of the shower and slowly slid down, sobs erupting from her chest as she clutched her breast. "Kaji-_kun_..."

* * *

Asuka emerged from the other shower, her lithe body covered in a yellow towel as she dried her long, auburn hair. She cast a disdainful glance at Shinji who appeared to be making some breakfast food of some sort. A mischievous grin manifested her features. "Baka-Shinji." She snarled at him as he continued cooking. "Ah, Asuka.." She watched him carefully, parading in the skimpy towel. "Bleh, I'd rather eat something frozen than your cooking. It's probably as bland as you. Aya, I see Misato is still holed up in her room. Food is her responsibility. We're only kids! She's supposed to be taking care of us and the only glimpse we see of her is to leave to work- or cavort with Kaji. Disgusting woman and poor guardian!" Asuka ranted, her eyes narrowed wrathfully.

Shinji finally frowned as Asuka began targeting Misato. The annoying ribbing and teasing on his end was bearable but he hated to hear bad talk of Misato, especially when she was experiencing such a rough time. "Stop it, Asuka. Misato does a lot for us and she's going thro-" He cut himself short. Misato never explicitly explained that Kaji was dead and she certainly hadn't informed Asuka. The result would surely be disastrous. "What?" "Nani?" Asuka glared at the boy now, on to him and suspicious he was hiding something.

"Hey, finish!" Shinji followed hard, looking intently at his food. "But, I did."He winced as he heard the chair scrape against the floor. "Do you think I am stupid, Shinji Ikari! I am smarter than you and you can't hide something from me!" she declared, pointing an accusing finger in his direction. Shinji swallowed again, struggling to keep cool. If he flubbed anymore Asuka would dog the truth out of him. "I just think I got my words mixed, I wasn't paying attention fully. Gomen nasai." Shinji said. Asuka took advantage of Shinji's cooking to quickly throw on a pale yellow dress. "Baka, baka, baka. You apologize for everything! It never fails, Ikari, you're pathetic." Shinji bit back another apology.

The two started as Misato's door finally opened, a particularly beat down Misato before them. "Morning." she said quietly. Shinji finally turned from his cooking to eye Misato, who seemed especially haggard and down. The circles under her eyes told tales of many sleepless nights, and her form fitting clothes were starting to hang ever so slightly. Asuka noticed that Katsuragi had managed to tear his attention away. She frowned, her mind seething. _'So, Misato will tear you from your disgusting food...' _she thought bitterly.

She turned her malevolent glare to Misato was taking small sips of black coffee. "Oi, Misato. You emerge from the cocoon that is your room to disgrace us with your sloppy appearance. What a slovenly woman, pathetic!" she raged, stalking past them both. Shinji winced at Asuka's cutting words. "Asuka! Stop that." He reprimanded softly, his face pulled in a frown. Asuka hated the way he looked at her. "Oh, I'm so sorry all-invincible Shinji. Why don't you go hop in your Eva and beat me up! Since you can do anything." He glared, exhausted by her impossible personality. He would concede with silence, Misato's sad smile never left her face.

Asuka shrugged on a purse, a pout on her face. "If I were going to see Kaji-kun, I would put much more effort into my appearance." she bit out before exiting the door. Misato gave a sad chuckle. "Oh Asuka... You're too much." Shinji bit his lip. He yearned to reach out and atleast attempt to comfort Misato. She was obviously struggling. But every time he looked into her sad eyes the words escaped him. He wanted to hide away and imagine the upbeat woman he'd always known.

"P-Pancakes are almost done. You should have some, you haven't eaten much lately." The concern laced in Shinji's tone was a little comforting. "Arigatou, Shinji-kun but all I need is coffee right now." Her voice was small, distant. He winced at his own weakness and inability to help those around him. She set the empty mug a little too close to the edge of the counter and it topped off. It slammed onto the ground and exploded. Shinji started a bit and immediately began retrieving the pieces. "You have to be careful, Misato!... Misato?" He looked up from the ground to see her waving from side to side, her hands on her temples.

"Nn... Gomen.." Shinji felt his heart skip a beat as Misato's legs appeared to give out beneath her. He watched in horror as her lean body fell to the ground in a disastrous heap. He scrambled from the mug's remains and clambered over to the woman, shaking her shoulder. Her violet hair jostled a little she otherwise remained motionless besides her rhythmic breathing, which seemed shallow. "Misato..."

He turned her figure over and forced himself to ignore her wealthy bosom. It was of no importance when her well being was at stake. Her face was flushed and pale, her eye bags much worse than previously thought under further inspection. Hesitantly, Shinji placed the back of his small hand to her forehead. Burning hot. "In her sorrow... Misato-sama worked herself ill. She's barely been eating, sleeping, or resting... I'm such an idiot. I could have lessened her suffering if I'd only intervened." Shinji lamented. _'I can help her now. I__** will**__ help her now.'_

With surprising ease, Shinji lifted Misato's form and helped her to the couch. He looked up to see Pen-Pen's surprised face watching and actually concerned with what was transpiring. "Wee? Wack!" he piped, concerned for Misato. "It'll be alright, Pen-Pen. She's just sick. Still, Pen-Pen waddled over and struggled to climb onto the couch and sit at her feet. Shinji wordlessly brought out a cool, damp rag and positioned it on her forehead. "Oh, Misato-sama. You have to take of yourself. What would I do without..." Shinji couldn't finish the thought. Losing Misato was paralyzing. She was the one who general cared for him, fought for him, and believed in him no matter their differences.

"You do not have to be without me, Shinji..Kun." He started a bit at her weak voice. Her eyes were cloudy but open. She made a move to sit up but Shinji hurriedly ushered her down. "Please, you've exhausted yourself. You need to rest awhile." She settled down again, silent. "Perhaps." She stared at the ceiling a while before turning to the boy. "I usually never get sick... Perhaps I am sick with.. A broken heart." Shinji felt a pang of pain in his chest. A sickness he could empathize with. Everyone got sick. But as far as losing Kaji, Shinji feared he could not efficiently comfort her.

"I turned away from Kaji because he frightened me. Love frightens a lot of people, I think. You can't love the idea of a person, or ideally who you think they are or want them to be. You learn who a person is, in and out and experience their flaws first hand. And if they are too great, you leave. But-" She turned to Shinji, her watery eyes focused on the boy. "Sometimes, despite their flaws, you come to care about them even more. You wrap those flaws up in your love and you want to have all of them. That, Shinji, is the scary part. I ran away from Kaji years ago and I've been alone ever since. I finally accepted him into my life again... And now he's gone." Misato was crying completely now, unable to dam the feelings as she spoke of Kaji.

Shinji flicked away a tear as well, ashamed of himself for not being strong enough to be there for her. "It is not in vain. Kaji opened my eyes to the truth and I know things will come to light. Always seek the truth, Shinji, and never let any of your emotions scare you away from what you want." Shinji nodded, unsure of what to say or do. "Now, go. Make something of your day. See your friends or listen to music. I'll be fine, I just need rest." Misato pointed into the boy's room. "Ah, but Misato-" "I'm alright, I promise." Shinji gave a thin smile as he rose, casting one reassuring glance at his guardian. "Just call if you need me." "Arigatou."

Misato watched the young boy disappear, her heart swelling with love and admiration. _'Kaji-kun, you did not die in vain. I will find the truth. I'll take Shinji with me and I'll find the truth.' _


End file.
